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Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015 in review

My word this year: present. Pulled boys out of school in May and intentionally chose to be present and play vs send them away so I could do. It's been tough at times and I'm not always present...but I wouldn't change it. 

Goals:
Run a half marathon-nope. Didn't happen. Although I would say I'm in good shape and stronger than I've ever been (that pulling kids out of school thing has given me lots of gym motivation with free childcare) so maybe that's a win?
Pre pregnancy weight-check!
Hands free--Hands free in car and rarely use speaker. This is a huge change as car used to be my chat time. Unfortunately relationships are suffering bc that is how I kept in touch with my out of town peeps but the benefits and safety are key. Hands free at home has been a roller coaster. Sometimes I am over my kids and escape to social media world for "connection".  
Quiet times during week-check. This has become a habit and again is how I survive my long days at home. Starting my mornings with quiet, cup of coffee, and Jesus is a game changer. That give us our daily bread stuff that Jesus talks about? Yeah, I really need it. 
De clutter house and spend less-nope. None. Amazon prime is my best and worst friend. This goal was too lofty! 

That was a quick review of goals, will write my 2016 word and goals within the week!

Friday, November 20, 2015

Goodness.

Psalm 100:5
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever, His faithfulness continues through all generations. 

Remembering this truth today. Such a simple song I learned as a little girl in preschool choir--God is so good. God is so good. God is so good, He's so good to me. 

I have to cling to this truth today. When I wake up to news of a terror hostage situation in Mali, which to many is just some African country but to me is where one of my best friends lives. When I show up to MOPS and a sweet sister pours out her story of abuse and kidnapping and hopelessness. When I get an email that a family member is struggling. And that is today. And it's easy to go along my merry way because Caleb took the older boys camping and I am having snuggle time with B and our life is "good". But God calls us to be the body. To encourage one another. So tonight I'm thankful that God is the same through all generations. That HE IS GOOD and present amidst the daddies and little boys giggling in a tent in Oklahoma. And HE IS GOOD and present in that Ramada hotel in Mali. And in the apartments where there is no heat and no hope. And He is so much bigger than this world. Jesus says in this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world (John 16:33). Thankful I trust in a God that is good. His faithfulness does continue through generations. So I will praise Him tonight, thanking him that He does have the whole world in his hands.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

To Brooks from Mama--today is your birthday

To my sweet baby boy on your first birthday,
I wonder today if you are my last baby. I mean, you will always be my baby boy, but will you always be the baby? Only God knows, and I know His plans are good and perfect. You are such a gift to us. God has such a purpose for your life and the past year has given me little glimpses into who God created you to be. 

At one...
You are full of joy. You are easy going. You are easily entertained. You adore your brothers. You love to be held. You are a Mamas boy. When you get tired you rub your little eyes and grab for your chincha, do a little purring noise and put your left thumb in your mouth. You do not like to snuggle when you are sleepy, you want to lay down with your chincha and your thumb and be left alone. You are very agile--you are in no hurry to walk, but will crawl very fast and pull up on everything but rarely fall. Your favorite places to play are my shower, the bathrooms/toilets in general, the gates on the stairs, and the plastic slide and kitchen in the play room. You are not a huge foodie. You will eat (and you do love some graham crackers) but you are very matter of fact about your food. You will eat if you're hungry, if not, it's no big deal. You really don't even cry for food. Sleep? Oh.my. You are the BEST one year old sleeper I know. You never had to cry it out. You sleep 12-13 hours a night and NEVER wake up. Poor baby--you will wake up with vomit encrusted sheets and hair but not cry. You wake up just cooing and babbling and standing up until someone comes and gets you. You rock sleep, just like your mama :). 

I remember one year ago today like it was yesterday. But then I try to remember all the moments in between and it's a blur. How is it already a blur? I remember taking  showers in the winter with you in the bouncy seat or the rock n play under the heater in the bathroom. I remember you going with us everywhere those first 3-4 months because I could rock your car seat and you would just sleep--you went to happy hours and dates and the movies. This summer you just wanted to be held, so I held you a lot. You still love to be held, and not in the "wearing" way. You just want to be held in my arms, and most of the time I hold you. I've learned to do a lot of things one handed--wash dishes, make dinner, fold clothes, pull up pants, etc. I actually do most things one handed because you and I are pretty inseparable. I will leave you at the gym for an hour or so and we get the occasional babysitter, but most of the time you just go where we go. Your brothers play and I hold you.  I hope that this go with the flow baby you are continues into toddlerhood, but only time will tell. 

I'm not trying to slow down time--I can't wait to watch your personality continue to develop as you learn to talk and walk and become your own little Brooks person. I just want to slowly savor each day and be present as God grows you into the person that HE created you to be. It's not my nature. I'm a do-er and a list checker so I will miss some things and I'm already giving myself grace for that. Brooksie, as your Mama I'm going to make a lot of mistakes. I'm going to fail you. But I hope that if I do one thing right it's point you to Jesus--the one that will always be with you, who will never fail you. As you grow, you and I will become more and more distant--and that's a good thing. I will let go, because you have to grow and learn and become independent. But today I'm savoring that you are ONE. That God gave me to you and you are still my little baby Brooks that wants me. So I will hold you. And kiss your little bald head. And inhale your sweet baby smell. And play peek a boo and knock down towers and smile that goofy smile so you will scrunch your nose and show me your big toothy (with a big gap!) grin. And I will pray over you as I put you in bed--and you know that when I pray Joshua 1:9 over you, you grab your chincha, and put your left thumb in your mouth, and get ready for your sound machine to turn on. Because that's what we do when you're one. And I savor it. 

Tuesday, August 18, 2015