Back to Work!

The 12 weeks of maternity leave ended and March 1st always seemed so far away.....until yesterday. Honestly, I think 12 weeks is too long. After 6 weeks I was completely recovered from a medical standpoint and emotionally and mentally was "ready" to go back but who could pass up 6 more weeks of vacation? Those 2nd 6 weeks definitely made me fall in love more with my little man and with the idea of being a stay at home Mom. Until about a week ago I was dreading leaving him and going back to work....then I had a work shower at my house, saw the people and realized I MISSED them. It would be nice to go back just for the interaction with the co-workers. Then on Friday I had to go to the hospital for my annual health check and realized I MISSED the job--the patients, the family, the complex medical issues. Then what really made me at peace was spending the day with Courtney and our little guys for a full day (her son Max is 7 weeks older than Carter, she's watching Carter while I'm working) and seeing what a wonderful Mom she is and how she loves Carter. I always knew Carter would be fine, but seeing the way Courtney interacted with Carter as she does little Max and putting the boys on the floor together and letting them "play" really gave me a peace. To top it all off, last Sunday at church the worship leader led us in a song that says "In my life, be lifted high. In our world, be lifted high. In our love, be lifted high" and asked us to really think about what's going on in our life, in our world. That's when I knew--I'm not going back to work just for the money or the adult interaction or the having to use my brain which I've missed (I joke that I only use my brain when I watch Jeopardy!). I am going back to work because the Lord has called me back for this season--I still get to be a Mom to Carter 7 days/week and I leave him for about 17 hours total (I'm working 2 8 hour shifts/week--Tues and Thurs) to go and be His hands and feet at Children's Medical Center. He has plans for me there, so I'm going. I try to deviate from His plan sometimes--even though I knew this, Monday night I was weary and told Caleb I didn't want to go back--we made a "deal" to push through work until tax day (April 15--6 weeks!) and then we would have a heart to heart. However, I woke up yesterday morning, did my morning routine then went and stood by Carter's bed as he peacefully slept and gave him a kiss goodbye. I can't say I wasn't a little sad or a little teary, but I walked down the stairs, kissed Caleb goodbye, got in my car and felt such a peace that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Went to work and it could not have been better....I even got to do a swallow study which I haven't been able to do in almost a year (pregnancy + radiation is not a good mix).  I jumped right back in and loved every minute. One thing that did kind of "hit" me unexpectedly was seeing a baby that had Carter's birthday, was 6.5 lbs, had never been able to eat, and had been in the hospital since birth. Working with that little girl 1) made my heart break in a way it never had before--I guess that's what mommyhood does and 2) gave me even more of a perspective of how blessed I am and daily take for granted what it means to have a healthy baby and be able to be at home and live a "normal" life. Of course I missed my little man, but Courtney sent me pictures and I went through the pics on my phone about 10 times during my pumping breaks--which is a new process, all in itself! I loved being able to come home and just love on Carter after a full day's work--and maybe I did rock him and stare at him while he slept for 45 minutes just because I knew in that moment there was nothing better--cooking, washing bottles, preparing milk, all those "to dos" could wait, where I would typically stick him in his crib and get right on that to do list. So, my friends, I get to be a speech pathologist, a Mommy to a healthy and happy baby boy, a wife to a very supportive husband and wonderful father, and most of all in all these roles a servant of the Lord and my life could not be better. Speaking of life being better--Carter also slept for 11 hours STRAIGHT last night. Yes, life could not be better. I am very blessed.

PS-Operation Bottle was a success! He is now taking bottles and nursing, no problems. Back to my little foodie of a guy--however it comes, he'll take it! Woo hoo!